Steroids should be illegal to everyone except for Rx purposes. This is to prevent all of the bad effects that steroids bring to people. Effects such as violent mood swings, stunted growth, kidney stones and just basically give you problems you just don’t want to have. By eliminating steroids you are eliminating these problems and preventing teens to start taking them.
People might say that even if steroids are prohibited, people who want them will still spend the money to buy them and if people keep buying the dealers will keep selling. Although this might be true, making steroids illegal will stop companies from making these steroids and everything will shut down. There will be no dealing and no taking of steroids. Teens won’t be able to get them anywhere and that will solve part of the problem.
Some people also might say that taking steroids is a personal choice for them self and they don’t want anyone telling them what they can and cannot take. I feel that these people are completely blind and stupid. The only reason why we bring out the message of the effects and problems that come with steroids is so that these problems can be prevented and fewer deaths due to an overdose of steroids are cut down.
It is found that 5% of teen males and 2% of teen girls in America is found to take illegal anabolic steroids. Making steroids illegal will prevent even that little 7% of teens taking steroids and there wouldn’t be a problem of deaths or health problems from steroids. Steroids bring added pressure for sporty teens to make themselves have an advantage to play in college or the next level. Eliminating steroids from everything by illegalizing it will prevent all this pressure and problems that teens face with today
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Hey Austin,
ReplyDeleteGood job on your draft. You had everything there, all the facts and cons and pros. One thing that I was confused on was your second paragraph. If you fix it just a little to a readers better understanding, then you will have a good essay. Well anyways, good job and keep it up.
I noticed you said "some people" alot so you should add different transistional words so that your essay doesnt sound so choppy. More statistics would also help your essay be more effective to the audience.
ReplyDeleteHi Austin,
ReplyDeleteYou present your arguments fairly clearly but need to provide more specific evidence of steroid use. Note that calling something "blind and stupid" is not a valid argument, nor is it specific support. It actually weakens the argument because it may antagonize the people you want to convince.
There is also a problem in logic...you are proposing making steroids illegal, yet your evidence of teen steroid use (2% and 5%) is cited in relation to illegal steroids. Need to clear this up in your argument.
So basically, more clarification on the legal/illegal steroids and teen use. And more specifics about their use in sports and other areas.
Your critics (Samara and Kiana) needed to do a more thorough job of commenting. And saying that a paragraph is confusing so "fix it up just a little" is absolutely no help at all.
mrs s
Austin your draft is good let me start with that. I didnt like the fact that all of your supporting facts were in your last paragraph. All of your percentage facts were in the last paragraph and i thought that you couldve seperated them into different parargraphs with differnt topics. Like the stats about teen males and females couldve been seperated. I liked how you clearly stated what your side of the argumenbt was in the first couple of sentences. The only thing that i didnt like at all was that your essay contains alot of opinion rather then fact. As Mrs. S said blind and stupis are opinion and opinion isnt supposed to be in a research paper. "Some people also might say that taking steroids is a personal choice for them self and they don’t want anyone telling them what they can and cannot take." You need research or survey answers from somewhere to back something like that up.
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